Essential Zen

Encounter with an IOB?

Kim and I discussed lucid dreaming vs astral travel - I've not been able do anything astral - she has. On the other hand, I've managed some lucid dreams and she has not, so it's interesting to compare notes. There is definitely a difference, but immaterial to this essay.

I mentioned to her that I had no real goal for next time lucid, other than to do as usual, which was to enjoy flying, and lately, passing through objects. We have discussed Monroe several times, so in that context she suggested I try to contact an IOB. Seemed like a good idea to me. I thought at the time I would have to, when lucid, let go and allow the flying to take off upward, in order to find an IOB, but then further thought, nah...that's a requirement perhaps I was creating. It seemed just as reasonable to just "put out the call".

Around 0300, light sleep period for me, I dreamed of engaging in a conversation with a guy, red haired and freckled. He told me I knew him, or knew his family, told me his name. It was vaguely familiar as was his countenance, from a guy I had known in high school. I told him I couldn't quite place him. He then sat down next to me on the curb of some street. He asked me what I wanted, and before I could respond, he right eye clouded over, then his left eye shrank to a small, fierce point. I told him I wanted to live my life fiercely. His face and eyes and mouth continued to morph into almost grotesqueries, little iron grills appeared over one eye, then his mouth. He asked me why I wasnt living like that. His face continued to morph, mussel shells protruded in a circle around his mouth. I said it was a work in progress, and he said that was no excuse. I told him that's just the way it is. His morphing continued, fiercely, then I awoke. I realized I had not been afraid of him, rather more curious about what he was doing, and that I was content with my answers to him.

Thinking about the dream I recalled the conversation Kim and I had had, and I wondered. Which brings to mind a lesson learned from sailing, about reefing. The question was, when should you reef? The answer was, when you think of it. So, was it an IOB? The notion came to mind immediately.

IMHO the real question is this...why arent you living fiercely?

I've had the opportunity to ponder this. My initial reaction was one of a profound frustration and sense of life-long failure, a recollection of many instances of trying to "let it all hang out" and getting rebuked, soundly, for doing so, not just in my childhood, but well into my senior adulthood.

Fortunately, I've given the encounter a few days to consider, and as a result, have come to some interesting conclusions. The first would have been as suggested, why not live fiercely? When I looked back on my existence, I realized, in comparison to most of my fellows, I HAVE already lived fiercely, with the motto of go, blow, or hit the wall. I've done a lot of shit, including owning and riding more than a dozen motorcycles, most ridden on the freeways of Los Angeles, and that has to count for something, especially when several of those rides were when dead drunk, or in driving rain, or both. I've wondered why I am still alive.

Upon further consideration, it has occurred to me that the question asked by the IOB was really a trick question. "What do you want?" If you answer with anything you want, it immediately indicates you have found yourself "wanting".

Lots of considerations based upon that.