Veddy Interesting

[Red Heart]

I am re-taking Chemistry II. I didnt flunk the first time it is a whole long story...the universe was involved and miracles... ya know, the whole deal.
Anyway...not what Im writing about. What I am writing about is this...the first time I took this class, I was LOST the entire semester. Holy Shit I was lost!!!

So I have to take it again to get my degree....was I retarded the first time? This shit is EASY. So what happened? Did I grow more brain in two years (I took it spring 2007)? I dont think it works that way...I think it works this way, Im not afraid of it anymore. I am finding the more I do not believe in myself the less I can do something. And the last time I took Chem I believed I could do it...but not enough and not really. It wasnt the quiet understanding that I can do something, it was more like that fake Knute Rockney business of get in there champ...you can do it sort of thing.
How does one acquire that feeling of why yes, yes I can do this? With no doubts. I can tell myself lots of stuff...but how you you make yourself really believe it? AND I am wondering if true belief isnt the only thing between us and true enlightenment?

[Gonzo]

How does one acquire that feeling of why yes, yes I can do this?

I don't know. I've heard the line that "Can't means won't" and perhaps there's some truth in it. Of course, that will throw you into why you won't. Therein lies the rub, and what comes to mind is recapitulation.

With no doubts. I can tell myself lots of stuff...but how you you make yourself really believe it?

I don't believe you can. Somewhere there has to be an honest appraisal, imo. of one's talents and abilities. You can't make a silk purse out of a sow's ear.

AND I am wondering if true belief isnt the only thing between us and true enlightenment?

I think true enlightenment is not a steady state of being or of mind, as mentioned in this quip:

An ordinary man is Buddha; desire and passion is enlightenment. One thought of folly makes a man an ordinary man; the next enlightened thought and he is a Buddha.

The key thing, is thought...."...one enlightened thought..." - the key things are, imo, becoming as aware as possible of thought processes, ingesting little gems like that quote, and having them come to mind from time to time.

I remain curious about Jed McKenna's state, if he has achieved a constant...has he got to the point of allowing himself to be The Adept, to fully and completely trusting himself, to letting go, fully, of the rudder, as he has said.

[Red Heart]

Kinda reminds me of issues revisited. Along this crazy road if we are reflective enough we come across some issues that may be holding up our spiritual "advancement". A notion or a "lie" that we have held onto from childhood. So we look at that issue, reveal and heal...for that time. Then somehow that issue makes a resurgence, perhaps in a different way. We may think, didnt I fix that before? Why is it popping up again? I thought I was all better....but low and behold, there it is. So we revisit that, but somehow its different, easier to reveal and heal, with a much deeper understanding.

If I hadnt had to retake chemistry, I would NOT have. I would not understand that it is NOT complicated and I CAN do it. I revisited the issue, (of course because I was forced to...but hey, I did it) and it wasnt as scary. Hm interesting.

[Zamurito]

~

I revisited the issue, (of course because I was forced to...but hey, I did it) and it wasnt as scary. Hm interesting.

Brings to mind somthing of interest...

How the flow of Awareness just happens along for our evolutions regardless of our want and needs and being forced, etc., etc.

[Gonzo]

~

I revisited the issue, (of course because I was forced to...but hey, I did it) and it wasnt as scary. Hm interesting.

Brings to mind somthing of interest...

How the flow of Awareness just happens along for our evolutions regardless of our want and needs and being forced, etc., etc.

Ya think? I'm not so sure. That is, I don't think Awareness just happens along...I think it requires conscious effort, requires learning about will and intent, requires learning about all the things we've kicked around here, all of which one way or another require conscious effort...lucid dreaming, surrender to the nagual, learning to be open. recapitulation...

[Zamurito]

~

Yea, right.

Surrender to this!

[Gonzo]

~

Yea, right.

Surrender to this!

So, does that mean you would surrender to nothing? How would you interpret McKenna's comments about letting go the tiller?

[Red Heart]

Surrender \Sur*ren"der\, v. t. [imp. & p. p. Surrendered; p. pr. & vb. n. Surrendering.]

[OF. surrendre to deliver; sur over + rendre to render. See Sur-, and Render.]

1. To yield to the power of another; to give or deliver up possession of (anything) upon compulsion or demand; as, to surrender one's person to an enemy or to an officer; to surrender a fort or a ship.

2. To give up possession of; to yield; to resign; as, to surrender a right, privilege, or advantage.

To surrender up that right which otherwise their founders might have in them. --Hooker.

3. To yield to any influence, emotion, passion, or power; -- used reflexively; as, to surrender one's self to grief, to despair, to indolence, or to sleep.

4. (Law) To yield; to render or deliver up; to give up; as, a principal surrendered by his bail, a fugitive from justice by a foreign state, or a particular estate by the tenant thereof to him in remainder or reversion.

Source: Webster's Revised Unabridged Dictionary (1913)

surrender can be very freeing...IMHO of course.

[angelfire]

Surrender \Sur*ren"der\, v. t. [imp. & p. p. Surrendered; p. pr. & vb. n. Surrendering.]

[OF. surrendre to deliver; sur over + rendre to render. See Sur-, and Render.]

1. To yield to the power of another; to give or deliver up possession of (anything) upon compulsion or demand; as, to surrender one's person to an enemy or to an officer; to surrender a fort or a ship.

2. To give up possession of; to yield; to resign; as, to surrender a right, privilege, or advantage.

To surrender up that right which otherwise their founders might have in them. --Hooker.

3. To yield to any influence, emotion, passion, or power; -- used reflexively; as, to surrender one's self to grief, to despair, to indolence, or to sleep.

4. (Law) To yield; to render or deliver up; to give up; as, a principal surrendered by his bail, a fugitive from justice by a foreign state, or a particular estate by the tenant thereof to him in remainder or reversion.

Source: Webster's Revised Unabridged Dictionary (1913)

surrender can be very freeing...IMHO of course.

I agree, Maiv ... and it's such a powerful word to those attached to it. I mean, especially in the society we were raised. It means basically to "give up", "give in". And when we've been conditioned all of their lives to "conquer", "never give up", when we actually Do "let go", it goes against the grain, the programming and easy to latch back on.

Realizing that the more we give up, give in, release ... the more universal flow we regain.

[redspiderlily]

Surrender \Sur*ren"der\, v. t. [imp. & p. p. Surrendered; p. pr. & vb. n. Surrendering.]

[OF. surrendre to deliver; sur over + rendre to render. See Sur-, and Render.]

1. To yield to the power of another; to give or deliver up possession of (anything) upon compulsion or demand; as, to surrender one's person to an enemy or to an officer; to surrender a fort or a ship.

2. To give up possession of; to yield; to resign; as, to surrender a right, privilege, or advantage.

To surrender up that right which otherwise their founders might have in them. --Hooker.

3. To yield to any influence, emotion, passion, or power; -- used reflexively; as, to surrender one's self to grief, to despair, to indolence, or to sleep.

4. (Law) To yield; to render or deliver up; to give up; as, a principal surrendered by his bail, a fugitive from justice by a foreign state, or a particular estate by the tenant thereof to him in remainder or reversion.

Source: Webster's Revised Unabridged Dictionary (1913)

surrender can be very freeing...IMHO of course.

I agree, Maiv ... and it's such a powerful word to those attached to it. I mean, especially in the society we were raised. It means basically to "give up", "give in". And when we've been conditioned all of their lives to "conquer", "never give up", when we actually Do "let go", it goes against the grain, the programming and easy to latch back on.

Realizing that the more we give up, give in, release ... the more universal flow we regain.

Yes, it's about resistence. When we surrender there is no more resistence, so energy is free to flow.

[datura]

Depends on what we need to surrender too - some things yes, others no, definitely dont need to be resistant to what is beneficial to us, though we may not always recognize what that is, at first

[Gonzo]

Depends on what we need to surrender too - some things yes, others no, definitely dont need to be resistant to what is beneficial to us, though we may not always recognize what that is, at first

The thought might well be that surrender to the nagual may well not be beneficial. It seems to me, it is the only surrender that is reasonable. Surrender to anything human, anything created by man, is like giving all your money to Madoff. On the other hand, letting go of the tiller, surrendering to the nagual, yields superb satisfaction and the thoughts of whether that might be beneficial or not are irrelevant.

[Red Heart]

On the other hand, letting go of the tiller, surrendering to the nagual, yields superb satisfaction and the thoughts of whether that might be beneficial or not are irrelevant.

Depends on what we need to surrender too - some things yes, others no, definitely dont need to be resistant to what is beneficial to us, though we may not always recognize what that is, at first

The thought might well be that surrender to the nagual may well not be beneficial. It seems to me, it is the only surrender that is reasonable. Surrender to anything human, anything created by man, is like giving all your money to Madoff. On the other hand, letting go of the tiller, surrendering to the nagual, yields superb satisfaction and the thoughts of whether that might be beneficial or not are irrelevant.

We must surrender completely to nagual, universe, God, whatever. Why do I say this? Because in our own little plot and plan we have no idea of the scope and measure of what we can do, and how interesting life can be. BUT we have to trust, and in trusting let go...if we dont, we miss how huge a thing can be. And when we look back we think "damn I never would have thought of THAT!"

[Red Heart]

after posting the previous post:
on this past Thursday the Nagual was messin. I was in charge of making sure some visiting scientists experiment went smoothly. One of the scientists has been in the field for a long time and the other was relatively new to the field... so I thought. My boss had also charged me with talking to the older scientist about grad schools and what programs may be available to me in the area I am interested in (its beginning to look like neuroendocrinology). So when there was a lull in the action I began the conversation with him.

Im gonna back up a little here and explain that I have known both men for about a year now in the context of meetings. The older man is in charge of his part of the grant and the younger man is very quiet and personable but never really talks during meetings, hes just very quiet and only occasionally participates. I have been working with the younger as a liaison to make sure everything that they needed was available, and things were set up correctly etc. He seems like he is about 29, young, and very very thoughtful. That morning I had been chatting with him and telling bad jokes, rambling and just being a goober from nervousness because I didnt want to look like an idiot in front of the "big guy".

Ok flash forward to the conversation with the "big guy". So he started asking me what I was interested in, and where I wanted to go geographically etc etc...we are chatting about my future and the other guy who I had been "just hangin out with" was pretty animated, and involved in the conversation. I was grateful for his interest but I thought it odd that he just wouldnt let the "big guy" give me his wisdom and let me get that done (we didnt have alot of downtime). So then the "big guy" looks at me and says: Well, yeah I know alot about programs around, but you might want to ask him (pointing to the young man with whom I had been messing with all morning) hes the head of graduate admissions for the University (it was the university I was interested in applying to).

The room got really really quiet. Everything went into slow motion, in the corner of my eye I see my colleague and friend laughing her ass off at me and the "big guy" had to turn away to hide his smirk....I had been had. For one time in my life I had been struck speechless. I dont even remember what I was thinking in that moment. I got my breath back (cause I felt like I was in a vaccuum) I figured I couldnt make it any worse, so I composed myself, looked him in the eye and said: "So I guess you are the guy I should suck up to".The room busted out in relieved laughter and we went on to have a very very productive and smooth day. At some point during the day I looked at the young man and said "ok mr smarty pants, what do I do now?" He told me and then said that I would be a wonderful candidate...I will be fine. So the day went on all things went smoothly, and I was riding pretty high on my success (I was very impressed with myself I can tell ya).

So after 12+ hours I drag myself to the car and make the long commute home (about 45 minutes) The gas light had come on during the ride in and I had about 15 miles left in my tank. I pull into the local gas station to get some gas....my debit card was not in my purse, nor was any cash. The fam was 45 minutes away and I couldnt get ahold of anyone to come bail me out....after about 20 mins of frantic search I did find a 2$ scratch ticket and a dollar in toll change. very stressful, very humbling. HOWEVER, here is the kicker. I never could have plotted or planned the events that took place that day, none of that stuff was even on my radar, I just wanted some advice, and frankly I was a little shy to ask, but I did. for a little effort I got a huge lesson. Mostly be careful who ur messin with! HAHAHAHA

[Gonzo]

that nagual....heh - at least you are not being ignored.