The Storyteller

[Red Heart]

Attitude adjustment accomplished. I am now waiting for the download from the Nagual as to what to do next.

[Red Heart]

something that has been rollling around my head for the last little while...when is enough? what is enough? How do we reach whatever we are looking for? We must be looking for something...or we wouldnt be spending so much time talking, reading, practicing, being disciplined...for what do we seek that we do not already have? Truth? Divinity? Escape? Peace? God? Love? Answers? Do we not already have these things? Why do we spend time looking for truth when in fact there is no truth but our own? Just a coupla questions.

The only answer I can come up with at this point in time is its all a mindfuck to distract us from ourselves. To distract us from the knowledge that we are the creators of this world really quite literally. If we all created our own reality then how would we be led by others? In who's best interest is it that we not realize our own divinity and enlightenment? Certainly not our own. There has to be some deeply held belief somewhere that keeps us from becoming what we know we were meant to be. Is it the man trying to keep us down? That would be victimy wouldn't it?

Whats outside the box?

[Affinity]

something that has been rollling around my head for the last little while...when is enough? what is enough? How do we reach whatever we are looking for? We must be looking for something...or we wouldnt be spending so much time talking, reading, practicing, being disciplined...for what do we seek that we do not already have? Truth? Divinity? Escape? Peace? God? Love? Answers? Do we not already have these things? Why do we spend time looking for truth when in fact there is no truth but our own? Just a coupla questions.

The only answer I can come up with at this point in time is its all a mindfuck to distract us from ourselves. To distract us from the knowledge that we are the creators of this world really quite literally. If we all created our own reality then how would we be led by others? In who's best interest is it that we not realize our own divinity and enlightenment? Certainly not our own. There has to be some deeply held belief somewhere that keeps us from becoming what we know we were meant to be. Is it the man trying to keep us down? That would be victimy wouldn't it?

Whats outside the box?

Don Juan said that our lot is to learn. ...I'm keen to add or rather simplify that our lot is to explore and experience. There's no grasping or clinging, only being yourself in each moment.

[Gonzo]

something that has been rollling around my head for the last little while...when is enough? what is enough? How do we reach whatever we are looking for? We must be looking for something...or we wouldnt be spending so much time talking, reading, practicing, being disciplined...for what do we seek that we do not already have? Truth? Divinity? Escape? Peace? God? Love? Answers? Do we not already have these things? Why do we spend time looking for truth when in fact there is no truth but our own? Just a coupla questions.

The only answer I can come up with at this point in time is its all a mindfuck to distract us from ourselves. To distract us from the knowledge that we are the creators of this world really quite literally. If we all created our own reality then how would we be led by others? In who's best interest is it that we not realize our own divinity and enlightenment? Certainly not our own. There has to be some deeply held belief somewhere that keeps us from becoming what we know we were meant to be. Is it the man trying to keep us down? That would be victimy wouldn't it?

Whats outside the box?

I don't think there is ever enough. I don't expect ever to be finally, and completely satisfied. I think what we are looking for is understanding, and in the process of working towards that, all the things you mention occur, including mindfucks. There's nothing wrong with a mindfuck, imo - in fact, mindfucks are probably the most effective of teaching tools.

A couple of comments from others come to mind here, one of which I posted elsewhere, from comments Don Juan made at the end of "Tales of Power" :

...what matters to a warrior is arriving at the totality of oneself.

The other from Zen:

I only allow the Blue Eyed Barbarian knows....I don't allow that he understands.

[Red Heart]

On Consensus
I have been having a unique and fascinating experience these past couple of weeks. It started with an experiment on myself.

I have been taking Singulair for about 6 months to treat my allergies to rats. About 3 weeks ago I realized that it was no longer working as well. I was also doing research on Essential Fatty Acids (EFA)for a paper. I came across a peer reviewed review paper that stated that EFA’s would help with asthma related symptoms by helping to alleviate inflammation. It then went on to describe experiments that had been done along with dosage information. So needless to say, I came up with my own ideas and started taking pure EFA with my medicine. A week and a half later I am at the doctors with a meltdown. I don’t mean meltdown in the “Oh my God….I had such a meltdown yesterday” I mean I wasn’t sure what the hell I was thinkin, doin, sayin, and I could not stop crying…for days straight. Being a scientist there was a little part of me that was standing outside of my self thinking “Hunh, that’s an interesting reaction” Being a spiritual being…I shut down.

The spiritual still isn’t quite back yet. Unlike some…I love therapy, and it helps me. However the scientist in me never stopped stalking what was going on with me. I would like to share some observations that I have made over the last week:

We think we are in control of this ride we call life…we are not. It is a mindfuck to think anything else, and anyone who tells you differently has something to sell or is delusional.

We think we are mysterious magical beings…we are not. We are a collection of neurons, neurotransmitters, chemicals, meat , bones, blood and organs. I have had the experience of having them all fucked up. It sucks

We are beings that strive for dynamic equilibrium on a cellular and macrocosmic scale. When that equilibrium is thrown off balance it is bad, the struggle back…I think will make me different somehow.

Nothing is as it appears to be.

And the biggest revelation of all is this, if you are depressed, I mean really depressed, you cannot just “suck it up” I always thought you could…I was wrong. If you are depressed for more than a coupla weeks GET HELP!!!!! It is not anything to be ashamed of...its physiological! There are treatments, and for that I am appreciative.

So you dear reader may be wondering what this all has to do with consensus anyway? All of the stuff that we read, see, hear, is, well at least as far as I can tell, to get and maintain a consensus of reality. Also to make sure there is conformation of that status quo. I have been living outside that lately. Its kinda cool, yet very unsettling. There is nothing to believe, reality is just a collection of neurochemicals that are working in dynamic equilibria. That’s it. Depressing isn’t it? Yet oh so true, at least in my experience.

[Red Heart]

Yesterday in chat Zamurito relayed a story about what his teacher said to him, and I must say it helped me a great deal to sort out this whole enlightenment business for myself...Thanks btw
What was relayed was "I am enlightened when I am enlightened" WOW...that has some amazing possibilities right there and I think some explanations about what enlightenment may or may not be.
I think that in the past I have had the wrong idea about enlightenment...it is not becoming omniscient and purple...it is about being. I have often wondered if Buddha was laughing because of all of the students silly knees bent running behavior when in fact we are all enlightened when we are enlightened and we dont see it because of our expectation and ego. "I dont feel Godlike" when in fact I have no idea what that feels like, I only have expectation and preconceived notion of what that may be according to my experiences. THATS why the ego must go, and THATS why expectations kill, and why recapitulation is imperative...to drop the expectation and to drop preconception of what things mean, and my judgement of who I am and who others are...just by looking at them, or talking to them. One must go through I think it is 5 dan before one can teach or whatever...I dont remember exactly how about a refresher Z, because that also was memorable, it related to not reinventing the wheel...me thinks that too is important in this quest for whatever we are questing for...good stuff

[Red Heart]

we dont see it because of our expectation and ego. "I dont feel Godlike"

In re reading all of this I feel that this is important right here...and goes to the heart of how important it is to drop the ego, but not hate the ego...to transform and to put aside the ego as something that was helpful in the past but now a hindrance to the present.
To scorn and hate and throw away the ego is to make it more powerful.
The ego is important, but like a security blanket, must be set aside with love and with sadness...but with firm determination as well....interesting thought. hm.

[Red Heart]

something else has occurred to me...how much we all need to feel respected. How far do we go to be appear respectable or to appear admirable? We never see how our teachers struggled, or if they struggled. I have not met many teachers that have gone into much depth about their struggles. Is Jed Julie? But was ashamed to admit that he was really struggling? And why do we all respect the struggle but not want to hear or think about it? I myself consider a lot of my struggle to be whining...but it certainly is not. Is it a sign of weakness to admit that you struggle with "stuff"? Why? If you do not fight then you will not win (win what???). I asked myself the other day "what is ur greatest fear?" at first it was "stasis" yeah thats it...so noble, so forward thinking...nope, when I looked closer it was sudden and violent change...quite the opposite of my first impression. Much "weaker", yet according to whom? Ill tell ya whom...ego, perception, and expectation. Delightful! Can I now become my fear? What would that look like?

[Affinity]

It all comes out in the wash.

[Zamurito]

~

Yesterday in chat Zamurito relayed a story about what his teacher said to him, and I must say it helped me a great deal to sort out this whole enlightenment business for myself...Thanks btw
What was relayed was "I am enlightened when I am enlightened" WOW...that has some amazing possibilities right there and I think some explanations about what enlightenment may or may not be.
I think that in the past I have had the wrong idea about enlightenment...it is not becoming omniscient and purple...it is about being. I have often wondered if Buddha was laughing because of all of the students silly knees bent running behavior when in fact we are all enlightened when we are enlightened and we dont see it because of our expectation and ego. "I dont feel Godlike" when in fact I have no idea what that feels like, I only have expectation and preconceived notion of what that may be according to my experiences. THATS why the ego must go, and THATS why expectations kill, and why recapitulation is imperative...to drop the expectation and to drop preconception of what things mean, and my judgement of who I am and who others are...just by looking at them, or talking to them. One must go through I think it is 5 dan before one can teach or whatever...I dont remember exactly how about a refresher Z, because that also was memorable, it related to not reinventing the wheel...me thinks that too is important in this quest for whatever we are questing for...good stuff

Hi Maive.

Here's the comments. Let me warn though, that it's tricky taking words out of context. I'll paste just a smaller part of a continuing dialogue that's much more expansive.

Kris: Do you consider yourself enlightened?

Answer: It depends upon whether I am or not.

<Keep in mind, as we all know, the answer Is in the question. If the question is phrased differently....>

Here's the second part of the reply, and I'm unsure if it makes sense to anyone else, as I can't pose the question, it's private. It's basically a reply and an opinion based on some spiritual bla bla that I didn't understand and asked his thoughts on it.

Answer: Second, I am sorry to say that your friend seems very much confused with this side and that side and various levels and outside and inside concerns. So much of the territory he is trying to invent has already been resolved. It's like, in Aikido, Tohei Sensei always said that you have to wait until 5th dan before you can change an art. This is because we need a complete understanding of the foundation of arts themselves, so that we don't try to re-invent the wheel.
The real problem below here is that this person is still convinced that he/she exists as a "thing" rather than an experience. Seeing this, that there is no subject/no object but only experience of life itself, this is the first milestone. Everything in your work evolves from this.

See you in S.C.

That be all...

z

[Gonzo]

Yesterday in chat Zamurito relayed a story about what his teacher said to him, and I must say it helped me a great deal to sort out this whole enlightenment business for myself...Thanks btw
What was relayed was "I am enlightened when I am enlightened" WOW...that has some amazing possibilities right there and I think some explanations about what enlightenment may or may not be.
I think that in the past I have had the wrong idea about enlightenment...it is not becoming omniscient and purple...it is about being. I have often wondered if Buddha was laughing because of all of the students silly knees bent running behavior when in fact we are all enlightened when we are enlightened and we dont see it because of our expectation and ego. "I dont feel Godlike" when in fact I have no idea what that feels like, I only have expectation and preconceived notion of what that may be according to my experiences. THATS why the ego must go, and THATS why expectations kill, and why recapitulation is imperative...to drop the expectation and to drop preconception of what things mean, and my judgement of who I am and who others are...just by looking at them, or talking to them. One must go through I think it is 5 dan before one can teach or whatever...I dont remember exactly how about a refresher Z, because that also was memorable, it related to not reinventing the wheel...me thinks that too is important in this quest for whatever we are questing for...good stuff

I was privy to that chat, and I felt Curtis' response was one of the finest I've ever encountered, and I have to repeat what it was, in response to Kris asking him if he was enlightened:

In response to your first question: It depends upon whether I am or not.

Further dinking around on the Internet, specifically via Facebook and the group established to discuss Jed McKenna's stuff (http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=65882735121, I chased this link:
http://nemos-notes.blogspot.com/
and came across the following which I think is apropos the enlightenment thing:

I've thought that on *that* day, when the Buddha Attained, got home and told his wife, she said:
"That's nice dear, now go wash up, we have a dinner party to go to..."

very akin to Bach's wife saying to him, "Johannes....the garbage..."

....and further

One the one hand, it is easy to dismiss stories related about one who may or may not have existed thousands of years ago; and most stories written about him centuries after his death.

Nisargadatta was asked if he could, while sitting in his room in Bombay, tell his listeners what the weather was in NYC. He thought they were nuts and told them so. He said that is a special power and can be developed, but has NOTHING to do with breaking free of the illusion and awakening.
I tend to think that as one works the path of awakening, one develops some skills and once awake, still has those skills. Like lifting weights as part of practice, till one can bench press 300 lbs. Then, one day he awakes and while lifting weight is clearly seen to have nothing to do with Enlightenment, nonetheless the it is taken that E will give one great strength.

But, the question why is the ability to trace previous birth attributed to the Buddha?
I have no idea. It is easy to ascribe it to egoic-Maya illusion - once more (deliberately) confusing E with not-E and once again, as all religions and spiritual practices do - shift one's attention from The Truth, to a "nice story" that will keep one sleeping soundly and feeling good.
The Buddha is quoted as saying "there is suffering, but no one suffers."
How would that square with seeing previous birth?
Sure, images can come and go and stories proliferate.
That's the point. All there IS is the story.

The REAL question is who or what rebirths?

[Red Heart]

The REAL question is who or what rebirths?

my spin? Nothing "rebirths" as we know it, our energy merges with all of the other energies that have gone before and that energy becomes something new with our added unique energy

[Red Heart]

As I pound out this whatever the hell Im doing here I am more and more convinced that ego IS the storyteller and cannot be trusted with "truth".
Every feeling is accompanied by a narrative, a reason, a rationalization...a story. These stories come from my perceptions, my perceptions come from my experiences, my experiences come from what I was told things were as I was learning about life (childhood). Those truths were passed down from someone that got it from someone else. Does that make it true? I believed them because they are so so subtle. The obvious beliefs I have questioned ad nauseum...the subtle ones are truly, truly subtle, and part of the foundation of who I believe I am, the world is, and others are, and how we all interact. Beliefs be damned...they are all destructive at this point.

[Red Heart]

The fifth dan...now that's a lot of experience. I can see how one would not make the mistake of reinventing the wheel because of the knowledge of the system. When we start out on this journey we are all full of piss and vinegar and think we know everything about everything. I think that's the pitfall of enthusiasm.
Then we go along and we become invested in the discipline of the whole deal...thinking the discipline will get us to where we are going. Just chuggin' along thinking we know where we are going and feeling pretty good about it. I think this is the pitfall of complacency.
I think this may be a next step...in the Tarot its called "The Tower"...everything falls apart in a really unexpected way, and the foundations are broken of your world...at this time we can rebuild or remain amongst the ruin. I think this is the pitfall of breaking.
Frankly I dont know what comes next...this is just my experience at this time.
My point about connecting this to the conversation with Z is time. This journey takes time and lots of it, and real knowledge of the system. In this case the system is life. No wonder the old men and women of the tribe were shamans...this shit takes alot of life experience I think.

[Red Heart]

On my way home something occured to me...it was amazing, I have always said that I have no teachers, when out of the blue the thought occured to me, I have two teachers one who is seeking and one who has sought ...who is whom? Who cares? I am blessed