The Storyteller

[Red Heart]

Addendum:

I have found a graduate school in California, that specializes in you ready???

Non-Dualistic Thought and psychology...guess where Im goin next???

<chuckling madly> Well kids, it goes on and on. Non-dualism and science. Im having second thoughts about my quest for consciousness....I think (I know, bad pun). A person that I work with has needed some of the small amount of skill that I have with transformational breath to get herself through a divorce. I so totally miss this work...I have come full circle, back to the beginning (where is that Vincini???) I am a very different person than I was 4 years ago. That was when I stopped doing healing work to focus on school work.

Now I do it again with such a different outlook. So much less fear, so much more clarity. I really do love it. But what to do? I also love brains, research and seeing what no one else has seen before...Im good at both, how to bring it together???? Can I? oi.

[Red Heart]

The universe works in mysterious ways dont it???

The transformational breathwork that I was doing? Turns out she is bestest friends with my mentor who asked me today "What the hell are you doing doing science when you can do that?" He thanked me for helping his friend, and then left me reeling...in the good way.

I didnt realize that I had options. I had become so myopic with the here and now that I had forgotten the love of something I had done in the past. Till I listened....that is the trick, listen to the universe/ nagual/ god/pat the ultimate cheezeburger...whatever, but beyond that DO what you heard. I heard "offer help, you know what to do" I did, and there you go...and Im off, gonna be late for class...

[Red Heart]

ahhh the vast revelation just keeps comin' and comin'. Its time to graduate and the Universe has assured that I do not take any step backward. Time to shit or get off the pot as it were. My job has been given away, I got till September. And again, I look at the circumstances and marvel at the number of things that had to take place and have to take place to be in this position. A man in another country dies leaving a colleague with no place to continue their work. The colleague cannot find a place to finish their work..."coincidentally" this colleague has worked with my boss in the past...he needs someone to take my place...and I need to move on. Ahh the convoluted ways of the universe!

So here I am, with Limitless opportunity...and scared shitless. You ever felt that way? I never have. I have never really understood what limitless opportunity even meant much less been faced with the absolute reality of it. Its always been kinda a happy new age slogan more than a cold hard fact. Daunting to say the least. What are the options? Is there a bad decision? A frivolous decision? A decision that is more responsible than another? I have been asked alot lately, What is your passion? Lots of stuff really, but mostly whatever Im doing at any given moment is my passion, a blessing and a curse to be sure. Like DJM said in some book somewhere, fret before the decision, make the decision, then carry it out with reckless abandon...I like that.

[Zamurito]

ahhh the vast revelation just keeps comin' and comin'. Its time to graduate and the Universe has assured that I do not take any step backward. Time to shit or get off the pot as it were. My job has been given away, I got till September. And again, I look at the circumstances and marvel at the number of things that had to take place and have to take place to be in this position. A man in another country dies leaving a colleague with no place to continue their work. The colleague cannot find a place to finish their work..."coincidentally" this colleague has worked with my boss in the past...he needs someone to take my place...and I need to move on. Ahh the convoluted ways of the universe!

So here I am, with Limitless opportunity...and scared shitless. You ever felt that way? I never have. I have never really understood what limitless opportunity even meant much less been faced with the absolute reality of it. Its always been kinda a happy new age slogan more than a cold hard fact. Daunting to say the least. What are the options? Is there a bad decision? A frivolous decision? A decision that is more responsible than another? I have been asked alot lately, What is your passion? Lots of stuff really, but mostly whatever Im doing at any given moment is my passion, a blessing and a curse to be sure. Like DJM said in some book somewhere, fret before the decision, make the decision, then carry it out with reckless abandon...I like that.

Understood.

This is how I felt when I resigned from my job. Everyone thought I was crazy to do this in the midst of a crappy economy, but it was something that "I" needed to do.

The first couple months were rough, as old habbits die hard.

Now, it's just going with the flowwww...........

Oh, and being a Nagualicious author as well!

<<warm smiles>>

Let talk about this in chat one of these days...

Kris

[Red Heart]

I was confused before, I think I mentioned how much I missed doing transformational breath and doing bodywork, and was wondering how to put it all together. Weeeeeeeeeeell, as it turns out, I misunderstood the degree that I was getting, It is a degree in Psychology, with a specialty, in Education and Research, all together in a nice shiny package....what are the lessons here?
First, and probably foremost RTFM!
Secondly, know that when you are on the path KNOW that you are in the right place wherever you are
Thirdly, DON'T PANIC! (or forget your towel)
Fourthly, even if you do panic, forge ahead with reckless abandon
Fifthly and maybe most importantly...be unafraid
and Finally...Leave the fucking TILLER ALONE!!!!!!

[Zamurito]

I was confused before, I think I mentioned how much I missed doing transformational breath and doing bodywork, and was wondering how to put it all together. Weeeeeeeeeeell, as it turns out, I misunderstood the degree that I was getting, It is a degree in Psychology, with a specialty, in Education and Research, all together in a nice shiny package....what are the lessons here?
First, and probably foremost RTFM!
Secondly, know that when you are on the path KNOW that you are in the right place wherever you are
Thirdly, DON'T PANIC! (or forget your towel)
Fourthly, even if you do panic, forge ahead with reckless abandon
Fifthly and maybe most importantly...be unafraid
and Finally...Leave the fucking TILLER ALONE!!!!!!

~

May I ask what 'bodywork' you were doing? The term 'bodywork' is always an interesting one and covers a good deal.

As to the rest, most interesting!

I touch on this, as what you say was the topic in Dreaming last night.

Dreaming with the self proclaimed naguals father.

Excellent communication and very much addressing the points you outlined above.

It's marvelous how Dreaming is now manifesting into waking (in a more obvious manner)...as to our previous convo about the big dipper and the convo mentioned above.

Kris

[Red Heart]

Transformational breathwork is the latest, I tend to be very interactive with that. God knows when I do something Im gonna do it my way. I get very touchy with everything.
I also do Herbal Bodywraps (my own technique) for moving through issues
cranio sacral, reiki (the touchy kind) shamanic work you know....I am not a massage therapist

[Red Heart]

Mornin
Hm, I had a purpose when I came...now its kind of gone. I have been busy busy with "stuff". Hm, nevermind, words wont work...I see that things are not as I had imagined, and trying to explain anything here is futile. Changing the assemblage point cannot be described, its a miracle that CC even got across anything about it. I understand so many things now. I have so many more questions than I started with....and a feeling that there is no way to share them....bleg

[Red Heart]

Herro...whats goin on? Time for a brain dump for me.

Been dreaming kind of intensely the past coupla days. Two nights ago I was met by a person (man) as soon as I layed down and closed my eyes. He was dressed in a full regalia Samurai garb. I thought to myself, Oooook, I can play too. So I then morphed into same, then a third person showed up in the same regalia...I remember saying..."so now what?", why does everything have to be so violent? I then morphed back to my dreaming body and they did same and then we chatted for a while and flew off to do some dream exploring. I also remember putting on my...for lack of a better word dreamsheilding. I was cautious about something because I never remember to do that.

Night before last, I was on a scary cliff all night. It was one of those cliffs that is not only vertical but right under your feet it dips in a little so you feel like you are standing on paper looking down. Down was a long way and I felt this vertigo all night. I would stand there and just feel the butt pucker of looking what seemed to be thousands of feet down upon a lake, with no supports. The lake was dark and grey, seemed like just before nightfall when everything is silhouetted, and the colors are grey, black and steely blue. I dropped a small log onto the ice and it made a terrifying BOOM! that shook the entire landscape. I was a little afraid but at the same time I thought it was kinda cool. Then I fell over the cliff. I managed to hang on, and was yelling for help. No one could hear me, so I pulled myself up just as my son and two women saw/heard me and came to help. I just stood there all night feeling the vertigo, and not thinking much after that.

Last night? Nothing I remember. But in waking, the conversation that was abuzz in the house was about denying, or accepting Buddha nature causing the loss of that Buddha nature, and why people fight Buddha nature and enlightenment so hard. It is a wonderment to me why...one cannot see themselves as a perfect being. What drives that? I dont get it. I have heard all of the excuses, the media, the church, my mommie, daddie, blah blah blah blah ad nauseum. All excuses to not grab the bull by the balls and see WHAT is truly there....color me wondered

[Red Heart]

Hmmm wondering....is this whole thing a farce? Games? Gamers? The more I see the more I wonder if this whole searching/seeking thing is just a diversion from life. A way to escape what is perceived as a life that is boring/painful/useless/too hard. In reading a different forum I have to wonder....and why care? It seems a noble quest...yet, it too is a belief, therefore Maya. hunh

[Red Heart]

Well Chica's and Chicettes the worm does turn. No more Palo Alto....I withdrew my application. My husband and my children and grandchildren had an intervention and in no uncertain terms said...No, we cant afford it, the economy sucks too much and its too scary, and you would miss the grandkids formative years. All true. We love you and want you to stay...who can argue with that? I know when Im being manipulated, and this time Im going along...gladly. So here I am yet again at the crossroads with my thumb up my ass and a confused expression covering my cute imp-like face.
SURPRISE!!!!! Not going the way YOU planned...can you hear that hysterical laughter from the old ones? Very funny...NOT. This all went down 2 weeks ago Saturday. For the past two weeks I have been waiting, talking to folks, giving "arent I the greatest" presentations with folks looking for Grad Students, writing to people....you know, doing my part so the Universe can do its part.
Which leads me to this particular post. I guess the title is going to be tiller touching and the case against it. There have been so many different things that are going on that its CRAZY! Where to start? Maybe going to Harvard....Maybe going to BU maybe going to the University of Maine, maybe going back to hairdressing, who the hell knows? The point is not to get attached to any outcome and allowing the best outcome to come to YOU, not the other way around.
So impatient we are, so many timetables to conform to...what does it ultimately mean? Not much really when weighted against family, friends, and of course research.

[Red Heart]

Well, the bubble does burst...thankfully. Vast revelation for the day...the four moods of a stalker...ruthless cunning patience and sweetness...are not for stalking another but for stalking self. One must treat themselves with ruthlessness...be willing to see all of your self...truthfully and ruthlessly
cunning...be willing to "trick" yourself, place yourself in tough situations, see how you react, its often that you will not act as you expect that you will
patience...be patient with yourself, if you are not patient with yourself you become frustrated, and lose the point of the lesson, no one gets it right the first time, be patient with you
sweetness...be sweet to YOU constant degradation of self inside your own head is a waste of energy. That is why it is so important to weed out negative self talk, and self image
This is all a delicate balance. If you are not patient with yourself you get stuck in a mire of frustration, dealing with the same situation over and over again
If you are not ruthless, you miss part of the experience, if you are not cunning, you will miss an oppportunity to understand....if you are not sweet to yourself...the lesson is lost in low self esteem, regret and self importance....very important lesson for me. Indeedie dooo

[Zamurito]

...the four moods of a stalker...ruthless cunning patience and sweetness...are not for stalking another but for stalking self. One must treat themselves with ruthlessness...be willing to see all of your self...

Good post Maive, yet I'd like to point something out that I find interesting in your writing style. Why mention this? Because we all do it

Keep in mind that obviously YOU are writing this.

You begin, "not stalking another but for stalking self". At least in my mind, with an intro like this, I think this post is going to be in regards to 'you' and stalking Yourself. This is a personal thread and topic for You.

Then you say, "One must treat themselves..." This seems to be a transitional sentence. You've moved away from 'stalking yourself' to a now vague generality of 'anyone.'

The rest of the post then continues on with, "be willing to see all of Your self..." Now you've moved further away from Yourself, further past 'anyone,' and now it's about Them, the other person you're writing to. "You need to do this or that..."

Now obviously this is only one perception of what you've written. What you probably meant to convey was, that yes, stalking is about stalking the self, so take responsibility and stalk Yourself, each and every one of us.

Once again, this is your own personal thread, like an on-line diary, so you're really only writing to yourself. The issue comes to play though when we write like this to others in more conversational threads.

No one likes to be lectured or prescribed behavior, even if the Buddha had written it himself

Again, I don't see you doing this, yet in reading your first couple of lines....they just provided a great example

The fun part of all of this are the re-actions these posts receive, regardless of the author or recipient. Your post was about stalking; good stalkers know how to write and manipulate words. Good stalkers often times are the butt of their own jokes, making theselves the fool. Most often (in public) 'they' relate to the audience by using the word 'we'. "We often do this or that...." The true stalker understand this and always gets the 'buy in' from the readers, unlike the self-proclaimed douche bags who want to seperate...I'm up here, you're down there. We've seen it all before.

Just a few thoughts on a right fine Sunday morning

Kris

[Red Heart]

Thanks Z for the input. When I read it I felt the same way. I then realized that this thread is me talking to myself. Im one of those people that needs to see something that is in the third person back to me. Like having a conversation with the part of me that is rational. My intent is not to lecture anyone but me. This is the storyteller...my storyteller telling me a story, I write it here to have it outside of myself and as a reference for later, and if anyone else is struggling with "stuff" it is available for them too. Isnt that why we all dump stuff in a forum? To share the narrative?

[Red Heart]

Just applied for a position at Harvard...lets see how this shakes out, Krimeny! How things do flow, must not touch TILLER>>>but I so want to