by Red Heart on Sun Jul 18, 2010 1:22 pm
On this beautiful summers afternoon I have a few thoughts rolling around inside my melon. first and foremost is my epiphany that I have completely withdrawn from the "magical". Last night while no thinking in my favorite place I realized something kinda significant for me. I have abandoned the mystical for the logical. In an effort to more fully embrace the mystical I have set it aside to uncover the practical. In re reading this it doesnt make alot of sense outside of my head...hm how to put it?
There was a time that I could feel the thing that was just out of reach...the mystery that just was on the wings of the dragonfly, the messages in the bluejay's call, the law that lived in the eye of the crow, and the meaning of no longer growing corn in my life. I then felt that there was more to all of this, I knew that if I could figure out how it all works that "God/ess" mysteries would be more clear. So I commenced to askin some questions, some quesitons that have some serious physiological answers. The more I delved the more I could see God, and it was us. Then, quite recently actually, I stopped seeing even that, it was just another system, no longer magic, no longer a mystery waiting to be found. I didnt realize till then that life had become very one dimensional, it just kind of snuck up on me. There is sooooooooooooo much more than just this...just mystical, just physical, just anything. I feel like I have been exploring a plateau, flat and linear. Not boring, not bad just not complete. I can feel myself living in my head. So now to kick it up again...and find a blend of the two things, that is the next step. yes that is it.
Now, for the other thing. Bullies, doormats, and reacting to them. I am confounded by the difference between having nothing to defend (which places the onus on the recvier of the bullying) and being a doormat, and returning bullying with bullying (which is what I have done, and I hate it, as it is not constructive, yet kind of fun at the time) I have found with the bullying that it gives a little power surge, a little feeling of having the power to elicit an expected emotion. I find this to be in the long run, less than empowering (which is different than power imo) for anyone. Im just confused. Ignore them they will go away...that is not a solution, that is acceptance of bad behavior. Talk to the bully? No that is not possible as they see that as weakness, and exploit it. Disengage? seems the most reasonable tactic. But very difficult in a work situation or in a social one...this is more complex than first imagined. I cannot change anyones behavior, only mine. So what to do? Strike out? Allow the bully to run me out? No. dont like that either...hm the only thing I can think of is to change my mind...but to what? and how? must go to the river to find out....
Galileo Galilei: "I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use."